Life - always a mystery

Hmm...

2010-08-21T13:18:00.001+03:00

I should probably break the habit of writing on this blog just every year or so. :)) There are also other bad habits I should lose.
It's funny how things seem to change the most when you try not to change at all. Yes, I am not a big fan of change. Sometimes it just seems easier to go with the flow. But I can't do that. It would feel like abandoning myself. So I try to keep things the way they are in any given moment. Sadly, this includes my weaknesses, my mistakes, my vices.
Herakleitos of Ephesus (c. 535-475 BC) once said: change is alone unchanging. He's also the guy that established the term Logos (λόγος) in Western philosophy as meaning both the source and fundamental order of the Cosmos. I'm guessing he had a very good intuition. Or maybe Someone inspired him to use a word that would have such great meaning, starting 2000 years ago. I guess he had no idea what would come after his death.
I think the key is to change without changing. It's one of the base principles of the Church. It's what God did when he became Man.
I just have to figure out how this applies to myself. And it ain't gonna be easy.

Things that happen around us

2009-09-23T23:49:00.000+03:00

When I get up in the morning, I open the following web pages: gmail, cnn, bbc, and wikipedia.
I gave up on local news a long time ago. I'd bet that if I stop watching tv for a year, and then turn it on for news in Romania, nothing will be new.
We'll be having presidential elections this November, and there's absolutely no one to vote for.
Here, things seem to go only one way: down. On a global level, on the other hand, interesting things happen.
I think it's somewhat true that we are the product of our surroundings and environment. And I like to blame this for my lack on enthusiasm.

Downloaded the first episode of House, season 6. Boy, did I miss that guy. Apart from his atheism, I find we have many things in common. Ok, his atheism and the fact he's not real. Yet art inspires itself from real life, and vice versa. :)

part two

2009-09-22T22:59:00.000+03:00

I have changed. For better and for worse. There are so many things to update on my profile. Movies, music, books. Minor things that have to be done.
In these last two years I think music has been almost my only refuge. Music and trying to figure out what His great plan is, and how it involves me.
It took me years to figure out what I had known in theory for so many years. It happened this Easter, it was cold, I was freezing, we were on the sea shore at Mangalia... there was more than an hour left until the religious service. So I went with a friend from the choir in search of a place were we could drink something hot, and get warm. And that is what we did; a cup of hot coffee and a shot of vodka did the trick.
We went outside, walking along the beach, and I was contemplating on a cigarette and asking myself: what the ... am I doing here?
And then came midnight. And the priest said: come and receive the Light! And again, for a second and third time. In that moment we started singing 'Christ is risen from the dead...'
Where were all the people. Where did the wind and cold go?
In that moment, it hit me: God loves me...

Back again

2009-09-22T22:42:00.000+03:00

Hopefully for a while longer, not just a single post. Many things have happened these last 2 years.
Milestones on a path I'm not so sure of.
I wish I could say there was something for me to learn from all of this... I'm still figuring things out.
The thing that changed me the most was the battle against cancer that my mother, sadly, lost last year.
God rest her soul with the saints.
It's been mostly down hill since.
I went to visit my brother in the USA about a month ago. Going away for a while felt good. And it did a lot of good. Suddenly things seemed a little brighter. Maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
One thing is for sure, something is changing, and I along with it.
New questions and conclusions about "Life, the universe and everything" (the quote the title of a book by Douglas Adams :P ) await answers/comments.

still here...

2007-09-17T21:53:00.000+03:00

and God willing, maybe I'll still be here tomorrow. Or maybe not. It's been a long and painful 9 months since I last posted. Hopefully I'll be keeping my blog up 2 date from now on.
I've just finished the Eastern Orthodox Theological Seminar in Tulcea, so it seems i'll be home more often.
This is a good moment to explain the Romanian schooling system. First of all we have 12 grades.
The primary cycle, grades 1 to 4. The gymnasial cycle, grades 5 to 8. After the 8th grade there used to be an exam (Romanian Language and Literature, maths, Romanian History or Geography-you got to choose), which I took. Now they've replaced it with somethin'... then there is the 'liceu' from the latin lyceum or from the greek Lykeion, from neuter of lykeios, with grades 9 to 12 (or 13 in my case. In my time the seminary had 5 years. Now it has 4 like the others). Then there's the national exam commonly known as 'bacalaureat'. Which I also took, with a grade of 9.63 (10 being the highest). :P Then there's the university, which consists of several institutions called 'facultate' (singular form mentioned here, plural form actually used). Usually written in english as 'faculty' althoug I'm not 100% sure it's the correct translation.
The Ovidius University from Constanta, Romania, has several faculties, (Law, Medicin, Theology, Economy -A.S.E for short- a Conservatory, and others). Sure, it's not the best in the country, but it's home. :D
Right know I chose Theology (Eastern Orthodox) and Letters (the english for Litere) which has several branches of study. I chose languages and literatures, more precisely Romanian and Russian, or German, as my second option. If there aren't enough candidates at romanian-russian then there will be no such class and I'll end up studying german. I could have picked english or italian or something else. But I thought: I know english, and if I want to study its' literature, i just have to read it. And I don't need italian. Yet i love russian choral music, and i liked some russian literature translated into romanian, so why not russian? And if it can't be russian (because russians are still regarded as the enemy which i think is stupid, so not many people want to study the language) then german might be useful.
Yet two faculties studied simultaneously can be difficult. So I might give up on one, if i can't handle it.
This wasn't intended to be a long post. But since it's been so long since i last wrote here, it's ok.
I hope that "i'll be back" ;)
have a blessed and nice day.

Remembering heroes

2006-12-31T16:12:00.001+02:00

It's december 31'st. We thing of the future, we think of prosperity. We rarely think about the past. We forget our heroes. I'm refering to heroes in general, not belonging to one nation or country.
In the second world war the soviet uniont fought against Nazi Germany and won. I dare to say socialism was a better fate than being a nazi. We have here in Romania, in several cities, graves of the heroes of the war. There are usually two sections, the romanians and the soviets.
People tend to forget about the russians. Why? Sure the regime was totalitarian and atheist, but what about the people? Sure, they were educated in the totalitarian atheist manner, but this doesn't mean they were cruel and inhuman and non-religious.
I once found the text of a letter found upon the body of an anonymous soviet soldier. I'll try to translate it sometime the next couple of days. He was brought up an atheist. His regiment was about to attack the next day, and looking at the night sky, he woke up from the nightmare that was his life, to discover God as the Creator of all that exists. He ends his letter: "The battle will be fierce, tonight maybe I will be knocking at Your door. I know I've never been Your friend. Will you let me in when I arrive? [...] But I do not cry. You can see what has happened, my eyes have been opened oh Lord! I go and will surely never return, but what a wonder (or perhaps I could translate: miracle) I do not fear death anymore!"

Who knows how many soldiers were like him? Discovering God on the battlefield or worshiping the True God in secret. Let us pray to the Lord for their salvation. In Christianity the first name is important. These are the names of the soldiers from the Heroes' Cemetery in Tulcea, the city where I study. (I will have to write down the names of those from my hometown, Constanta, too.)
Evgeny
Nikolai
Nikolai
Feodor
Mark
Egor
Ivan
Ivan
Ivan
Konstantin
Matvei
Rodion
Vasily
Ivan
Mark
Sergey
Andrei
Feodor
Rozhdnovia
Grigori
Ivan
Markel
Vladimir
Sergey
Aleksandr
Ivan
Anton
Danil
Misha
Evgeny
Feodor
Ivan
George
Aleksandr
Aleksandr
Mikhail
Alexei
Iakov
Valentin
May they rest in peace.

Here I am

2006-07-01T20:18:00.000+03:00

I'm still here, still alive, still going strong. I think. With Gods' will I will be here tomorrow too.
It's been a while. Been busy I guess. Really forgot about my blog. Being summer break, hope I'll post more often. Take care y'all!

Life just goes on.

2006-01-26T21:00:00.000+02:00

Life just goes on... Sometimes it seems there is no past, no future, just NOW.
Sometimes I seek comfort in my memories and the past... Sometimes I plan and plan for hours and think about things I might never do. Most of my long term plans fall apart. So I try to stop planning. And I manage to do that... for a while. Then I start all over again. Confused? Me too!!!

I fell in love a month ago... Love is great. It makes everything seem so easy. All I'm willing to say is: SHE IS GREAT, WONDERFUL, SHE IS THE ONE FOR ME.
Love has brought some balance and order and sense into my life. Thank God, it was about time! I felt like I was losing it...
The 2nd semester starts in 2 weeks. And ends sometime in June. To lazy to check the exact day... :P And there's that national dogmatics contest in April... So much to do...

(Merriam Webster definitions: 1. dogmatics=a branch of theology that seeks to interpret the dogmas of a religious faith)
(2. dogma= a doctrine or body of doctrines concerning faith or morals formally stated and authoritatively proclaimed by a church)
(3. My comments: Well, the definition for dogma is close... but not quite. Since I'm not to familliar with english theological terms, I'll just leave them the way they are.)

Wish me luck. Will be posting soon. I hope. God bless you all. Bye

A new beginning or just part 2?

2006-01-08T16:05:00.000+02:00

It's january 8. Tomorrow is monday. Tomorrow I start school. Darn... The first semester ends on february 3. Then we'll have another week off. The next break should start one week before Easter (easter is celebrated by eastern orthodox churches on april 23). And on june 16 this year will be finally over! It's a long time though. I'm busy catching up with reading and stuff. Will keep you posted. God help us all. In april I'm supposed to go at a national Dogmatics contest... (could't find a better name) Wish me luck!

The end. Or is it ?!?!?

2005-12-29T18:44:00.000+02:00

I managed to keep my brain intact, earn some money, and go home for the holidays. Sadly I arrived home on the evening of december 25. No Christmas tree! It's the first year without one. Man I love Christmas trees. Life goes on. Maybe next year. To all my friends: the main thing is I'm home, I'm ok, bla bla bla.
God bless you all, now and forever. Happy new year.

It's been so long

2005-12-21T20:40:00.000+02:00

Dear readers, (if you really exist :P )

It's been so long... It's been a long semester and it ain't over yet. School, school, and school, (lots of it) concerts, concerts, rehearsals, reahearsals, rehearsals, caroling, caroling...
I'm losing my mind!
I'll get back to you when/if I manage to keep it.
Thanks!

And another one

2005-11-22T20:07:00.000+02:00

To a dear classmate from Ovidius highschool, Constanta. I haven't seen her in 3 years...

Her eyes are green,
And sometimes, blue...
I gaze for hours in amazement!
They are a miracle... Divine!
I see the sea
The cloudy sky
Eternity
Infinity
And above all God,
The maker of this magic sight.
In Her eyes I feel
love
peace and tranquility.
I am in heaven!

She was a wonderful person, a good friend, and that's about it. I just remembered her eyes and wrote this poem.

Now this is interesting... one of my poems... kinda...

2005-11-18T19:50:00.000+02:00

Mankind

I never thought I'd ever learn to die.
Born free,
From infinity
and eternity,
God's greatest creation!
I fell onto the earth like an eagle without wings.
I died; I burned for ages in the dark flames of hell.
Like a Phoenix,
I was reborn from the ashes
Through Christ.

It's a bit strange... even to me. Hey... I was in a strange mood when I wrote it...

Sometimes I just can't take it!

2005-11-10T23:20:00.000+02:00

As time goes by, and i get older, life seems to be getting harder and harder. I'm talking about everything: school, everyday life, dealing with all kinds of people... Sometimes I feel like I could kill someone. This can't happen. I felt sorry for a fly the other night. I cought it and let it go. It might sound silly... It made me feel better.
Prayer helps... A lot! Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I might be sad... depressed even.
I keep fighting. Running away is for cowards. I stay and fight.

Please, pray for me!
Best wishes,
Julian

Poetry - part two (there will be no part three in the near future)

2005-10-31T20:17:00.000+02:00

And some poems, written by my brother, Virgil

Prayer

So tired am I, Lord, so very tired
That waking up has now become a chore;
I sail life's waters not having seen a shore
And wait to lose all things that I admired.

I raise a faint and fading voice to You
And ask for mercy and forgiveness
For help in my increasing weakness
And faith to do all I must do.

And through it all Thy will be done
Today, tomorrow and forever more
While at the end I hope there is a door
For me from my insanity to run.

Through all of this, I have one more request
And hope You listen to my foolish prayer
And please forgive me this one final dare
That soon, O Lord, I find my final rest.

My friends

My friends are the stars
From close and from far
From light years away
They talk and they pray.

My friends are the trees
Standing on their knees
Speaking to me
About things that are to be.

My friends are the springs
Moving down in streams.
Silently they flow
Telling me what they know.

My friends are the flowers
Shining, rising towers
Listening to my
Lonely, hopeful cry.

My friends are the winds
Flying without wings
Speaking tongues unknown
But to me alone.

At my grave

When time comes for me
To rest through all seasons
Don't cry at my grave
And don't look for reasons.

But sing me a song
To last through the ages
And read me a book
Full of empty pages.

Then wipe from this world
My memory's trace
And leave forever
This forsaken place.

Sadly, I wasn't gifted with this gift, with a soul of a poet. Or maybe i was and i haven't found that out yet. I'll try to translate some poems from romanian to english in the future, close or distant.

Poetry - Part one (part two will be posted shortly)

2005-10-31T20:14:00.000+02:00

I wanted to share with you, the readers, some poems that I enjoy most:
First

Requiem
By Robert Louis Stevenson

Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.

This is the verse you grave for me:
'Here he lies where he longed to be;
Here is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.'

Busy

2005-10-27T19:00:00.000+03:00

We (the orthodox church) had two saints celebrated these days* (october 26 and 27): Holy and Glorious Great-Martyr Demetrius the Myrrh-gusher of Thessaloniki and Saint Demetrius of Basarbovo (for more details on the Orthodox Church, go to: http://www.orthodoxwiki.org, or just search the net) . So I had a hard time doing everything right... Church, school, choir rehearsal and other stuff. Yet I managed to do everything!
Yahoooo.... a... no... that's not right.... gooooooooogle! Yeah... that's it :)

And remember: I'll be back!

*there were more, but these two are more revered in Romania

Finally-I got internet

2005-10-18T00:28:00.000+03:00

I finally have an internet connection at my home in Tulcea. I don't see myself as someone addicted to the internet. Sure, if i have a pc, i spend many hours in front of it. But i have survived the last month and a half without it.
Hope i'll keep my blog up2date:)
I study theology, mainly, at my school, so God is important in my life.
To Anna (if she ever visits my blog in the future): You're right... God, save us all!

The future

2005-06-04T17:27:00.000+03:00

One thing is clear, the future of the Eastern Orthodox Church can only take place in Russia. This is because Russia is the only free land there is in this world. Can't think of anywhere else... EU? USA? Middle East? China? The orthodox church has no future in Romania, Greece, or Bulgaria. Two of them are future members of the EU; one of them is already a member. Yugoslavia (Serbia and Montenegro is alot of b*******, there can only be Yugoslavia) was invited too. God save Russia!

Life ain't fair

2005-05-25T21:38:00.000+03:00

I received my Dogmatics test today and my teacher tells me: You got a 8 (in Romania we use scales from 1 to 10)! I could have given you a 9 (he rarely gives 10) because you deserve it, but i expected more from you!. Oh come on...! I could have argued with him, but there was no point in doing so. My semester average grade is a 9 anyway, so why shoud I care if I get an 8 or 9 in a test???.............. Because I am good! Because of my pride! Because.... oh, let's forget I ever mentioned it...

Maybe next time when I come home...

2005-05-23T05:36:00.000+03:00

I still have 3 weeks and some days till i reach the summer break. Oh... did I mention my school is in Tulcea, a city 80 miles away from my hometown, Constanta? I rented an apartment there, but I never bothered to get some internet services. Because when I got there, 2 years ago, they were very poor (the internet services, NOT the people, although some would say otherwise). I'll still come home every weekend, but time is short. I think I cand still do something with this blogg. Hope no one will criticise (which seems to be the british variant fot criticize... interesting) me because of my slow updates. Bye bye all. Got to go! Leaving for Tulcea in 20 minutes. It's 5:45AM!!!