Hmm...

I should probably break the habit of writing on this blog just every year or so. :)) There are also other bad habits I should lose. 
It's funny how things seem to change the most when you try not to change at all. Yes, I am not a big fan of change. Sometimes it just seems easier to go with the flow. But I can't do that. It would feel like abandoning myself. So I try to keep things the way they are in any given moment. Sadly, this includes my weaknesses, my mistakes, my vices. 
Herakleitos of Ephesus (c. 535-475 BC) once said: change is alone unchanging. He's also the guy that established  the term Logos (λόγος) in Western philosophy as meaning both the source and fundamental order of the Cosmos. I'm guessing he had a very good intuition. Or maybe Someone inspired him to use a word that would have such great meaning, starting 2000 years ago. I guess he had no idea what would come after his death.
I think the key is to change without changing. It's one of the base principles of the Church. It's what God did when he became Man. 
I just have to figure out how this applies to myself. And it ain't gonna be easy.

Things that happen around us

When I get up in the morning, I open the following web pages: gmail, cnn, bbc, and wikipedia.
I gave up on local news a long time ago. I'd bet that if I stop watching tv for a year, and then turn it on for news in Romania, nothing will be new.
We'll be having presidential elections this November, and there's absolutely no one to vote for.
Here, things seem to go only one way: down. On a global level, on the other hand, interesting things happen.
I think it's somewhat true that we are the product of our surroundings and environment. And I like to blame this for my lack on enthusiasm.

Downloaded the first episode of House, season 6. Boy, did I miss that guy. Apart from his atheism, I find we have many things in common. Ok, his atheism and the fact he's not real. Yet art inspires itself from real life, and vice versa. :)

part two

I have changed. For better and for worse. There are so many things to update on my profile. Movies, music, books. Minor things that have to be done.
In these last two years I think music has been almost my only refuge. Music and trying to figure out what His great plan is, and how it involves me.
It took me years to figure out what I had known in theory for so many years. It happened this Easter, it was cold, I was freezing, we were on the sea shore at Mangalia... there was more than an hour left until the religious service. So I went with a friend from the choir in search of a place were we could drink something hot, and get warm. And that is what we did; a cup of hot coffee and a shot of vodka did the trick.
We went outside, walking along the beach, and I was contemplating on a cigarette and asking myself: what the ... am I doing here?
And then came midnight. And the priest said: come and receive the Light! And again, for a second and third time. In that moment we started singing 'Christ is risen from the dead...'
Where were all the people. Where did the wind and cold go?
In that moment, it hit me: God loves me...

Back again

Hopefully for a while longer, not just a single post. Many things have happened these last 2 years.
Milestones on a path I'm not so sure of.
I wish I could say there was something for me to learn from all of this... I'm still figuring things out.
The thing that changed me the most was the battle against cancer that my mother, sadly, lost last year.
God rest her soul with the saints.
It's been mostly down hill since.
I went to visit my brother in the USA about a month ago. Going away for a while felt good. And it did a lot of good. Suddenly things seemed a little brighter. Maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
One thing is for sure, something is changing, and I along with it.
New questions and conclusions about "Life, the universe and everything" (the quote the title of a book by Douglas Adams :P ) await answers/comments.

still here...

and God willing, maybe I'll still be here tomorrow. Or maybe not. It's been a long and painful 9 months since I last posted. Hopefully I'll be keeping my blog up 2 date from now on.
I've just finished the Eastern Orthodox Theological Seminar in Tulcea, so it seems i'll be home more often.
This is a good moment to explain the Romanian schooling system. First of all we have 12 grades.
The primary cycle, grades 1 to 4. The gymnasial cycle, grades 5 to 8. After the 8th grade there used to be an exam (Romanian Language and Literature, maths, Romanian History or Geography-you got to choose), which I took. Now they've replaced it with somethin'... then there is the 'liceu' from the latin lyceum or from the greek Lykeion, from neuter of lykeios, with grades 9 to 12 (or 13 in my case. In my time the seminary had 5 years. Now it has 4 like the others). Then there's the national exam commonly known as 'bacalaureat'. Which I also took, with a grade of 9.63 (10 being the highest). :P Then there's the university, which consists of several institutions called 'facultate' (singular form mentioned here, plural form actually used). Usually written in english as 'faculty' althoug I'm not 100% sure it's the correct translation.
The Ovidius University from Constanta, Romania, has several faculties, (Law, Medicin, Theology, Economy -A.S.E for short- a Conservatory, and others). Sure, it's not the best in the country, but it's home. :D
Right know I chose Theology (Eastern Orthodox) and Letters (the english for Litere) which has several branches of study. I chose languages and literatures, more precisely Romanian and Russian, or German, as my second option. If there aren't enough candidates at romanian-russian then there will be no such class and I'll end up studying german. I could have picked english or italian or something else. But I thought: I know english, and if I want to study its' literature, i just have to read it. And I don't need italian. Yet i love russian choral music, and i liked some russian literature translated into romanian, so why not russian? And if it can't be russian (because russians are still regarded as the enemy which i think is stupid, so not many people want to study the language) then german might be useful.
Yet two faculties studied simultaneously can be difficult. So I might give up on one, if i can't handle it.
This wasn't intended to be a long post. But since it's been so long since i last wrote here, it's ok.
I hope that "i'll be back" ;)
have a blessed and nice day.

Remembering heroes

It's december 31'st. We thing of the future, we think of prosperity. We rarely think about the past. We forget our heroes. I'm refering to heroes in general, not belonging to one nation or country.
In the second world war the soviet uniont fought against Nazi Germany and won. I dare to say socialism was a better fate than being a nazi. We have here in Romania, in several cities, graves of the heroes of the war. There are usually two sections, the romanians and the soviets.
People tend to forget about the russians. Why? Sure the regime was totalitarian and atheist, but what about the people? Sure, they were educated in the totalitarian atheist manner, but this doesn't mean they were cruel and inhuman and non-religious.
I once found the text of a letter found upon the body of an anonymous soviet soldier. I'll try to translate it sometime the next couple of days. He was brought up an atheist. His regiment was about to attack the next day, and looking at the night sky, he woke up from the nightmare that was his life, to discover God as the Creator of all that exists. He ends his letter: "The battle will be fierce, tonight maybe I will be knocking at Your door. I know I've never been Your friend. Will you let me in when I arrive? [...] But I do not cry. You can see what has happened, my eyes have been opened oh Lord! I go and will surely never return, but what a wonder (or perhaps I could translate: miracle) I do not fear death anymore!"

Who knows how many soldiers were like him? Discovering God on the battlefield or worshiping the True God in secret. Let us pray to the Lord for their salvation. In Christianity the first name is important. These are the names of the soldiers from the Heroes' Cemetery in Tulcea, the city where I study. (I will have to write down the names of those from my hometown, Constanta, too.)
Evgeny
Nikolai
Nikolai
Feodor
Mark
Egor
Ivan
Ivan
Ivan
Konstantin
Matvei
Rodion
Vasily
Ivan
Mark
Sergey
Andrei
Feodor
Rozhdnovia
Grigori
Ivan
Markel
Vladimir
Sergey
Aleksandr
Ivan
Anton
Danil
Misha
Evgeny
Feodor
Ivan
George
Aleksandr
Aleksandr
Mikhail
Alexei
Iakov
Valentin
May they rest in peace.

Here I am

I'm still here, still alive, still going strong. I think. With Gods' will I will be here tomorrow too.
It's been a while. Been busy I guess. Really forgot about my blog. Being summer break, hope I'll post more often. Take care y'all!

Life just goes on.

Life just goes on... Sometimes it seems there is no past, no future, just NOW.
Sometimes I seek comfort in my memories and the past... Sometimes I plan and plan for hours and think about things I might never do. Most of my long term plans fall apart. So I try to stop planning. And I manage to do that... for a while. Then I start all over again. Confused? Me too!!!

I fell in love a month ago... Love is great. It makes everything seem so easy. All I'm willing to say is: SHE IS GREAT, WONDERFUL, SHE IS THE ONE FOR ME.
Love has brought some balance and order and sense into my life. Thank God, it was about time! I felt like I was losing it...
The 2nd semester starts in 2 weeks. And ends sometime in June. To lazy to check the exact day... :P And there's that national dogmatics contest in April... So much to do...

(Merriam Webster definitions: 1. dogmatics=a branch of theology that seeks to interpret the dogmas of a religious faith)
(2. dogma= a doctrine or body of doctrines concerning faith or morals formally stated and authoritatively proclaimed by a church)
(3. My comments: Well, the definition for dogma is close... but not quite. Since I'm not to familliar with english theological terms, I'll just leave them the way they are.)

Wish me luck. Will be posting soon. I hope. God bless you all. Bye